Wow. What a meticulous labour of love. Hundreds of human hours poured into the computer to create four little icons. Thats it. Four little squares which will ultimately have bearing over my future.
Which is why, like anyone who's studied, and that pretty much includes everyone in one way or another, I have squeezed my soul into these silly boxes, to give myself a better shot at life and a chance to be more influential of my destiny.
And what's funny is that, although the content was completed weeks ago, there was still part of me which wanted make sure every corner was polished. Not a pixel was out of place. Taking that 500 word word count and re-writing and re-writing, re-arranging and re-counting. I had so much to say but not much room to say it. Descriptive words were long gone and the odd 'the's' and 'to's' ended up in the bin too.
(Here is a celebration of no word count * insert descriptive words here)
And then the mastering of the song. It's a fact of life that all songs have to mixed and mastered in a timeframe, but my subjective ear, without another to guide my choices, made me reach for the EQ time and time again. Every time I should have been doing something else, or thinking about my next project, all I wanted to do was to dive into my Ableton Live composition icon and tweak the parameters of sound.
There comes a time where one has to be decisive. I find this is very important with songwriting and composing. There will be a point the only way forward is to finish. The only way to move on mentally from the creative square you have just created is to finalise the elements, and move on. This is an important life lesson for all because it's not easy to cut ties with something you enjoy, even if the connotations are becoming increasingly negative as the days go on - getting stuck in feedback loops, or trying to add more and more to something which sounded great in its rawest form. Does the extra FX just add a level of depth that the track just doesn't need and takes away from the sound you really want to create? After all, you want to love the final project and all the parts of your creative soul you put in, not toss it (and those bits of you) in the bin.
Anyway, without getting too deep, after I had been decisive and finished the track, I could move on to the score representation of the piece. It felt so incredible to see the song in lead sheet form. These little dots are the music I have created. It felt very special. Like I have something in common with the great composers or something.
Many hours of work - condensed into 4 little icons - which are now submitted. And all I can do is think about the next one.....